A month or so ago, I was reading one of my favorite blogs, written by a single Christian woman. In this particular blog post she discussed how she feels being single at (almost 30) in the church. She had people telling her everything from “lower your standards” to “why don’t you have a man yet?” She took the time and effort to make herself completely transparent and vulnerable and educate people about the fact that of course she wants to be happily married someday, of course she wants to meet the person God has for her, but the fact is that it hasn’t happened yet, and that’s not heartbreaking for her. She’s determined and content to just keep doing what she’s doing-making God first in her life and shining that light to others in any way she can. And waiting for the man with whom she will bring more glory to God with than as a single woman. You can read her blog post “Thoughts on Being 30, Single, and Childless” here.
That article got me thinking that sometimes, those of us who are married or in a relationship can seem very obnoxious about our relationship status. Think about it: How would you feel if you were single and every time you went to your News Feed all you saw were status updates like “Chillin with tha boo” or hastags like #Ilovemyhubby” or “#mymanisthebest?” I would imagine that it would feel like everyone is in a relationship-but me. Everyone is living it up with their man having walks in the sunset and cutsey photo shoots-except me. And at some point I would probably wonder if anyone does anything else with their time besides post couple pics on their News Feeds. And I would eventually probably get off social media all together.
When I thought about writing this blog post, I had to do an inventory on myself and realize that I do the very same things, and think the same things (sometimes unconsciously) about single people, particularly women. And hopefully, by the end of this post, we can make the decision to try to walk in the shoes of our single sisters and try to see things from their perspective before making obnoxious or ignorant comments, or talking down to them as if they are to be pitied.
1. There MUST be some mysterious character/personality defect that has kept them from attracting a spouse. This may be true in SOME cases, but when you look at married couples, or just couples in general, having a defect, even a serious one like alcoholism or an anger problem, doesn’t keep people from finding someone who loves them. So that’s out the window. Secondly, I’ve found through personal experience, as well as numerous testimonies from other people, that being in a relationship actually helps you work on your defects, whether you’re short on patience or a chronic perfectionist, or control freak.
2. Single women are not as spiritual or “together” as married women. Married women (and men) are not married because they’ve arrived, or achieved spiritual perfection and maturity. By the same token, I know lots of single women who love God with all their hearts and are admired by all, yet still single. So I don’t think their singleness is a sign of spiritual dearth, but just that God hasn’t seen fit for them to have a mate yet. And that isn’t necessarily because God is waiting on them to become “perfect” either.
3. The lives of single women are incomplete until they get married. Marriage is simply a different chapter in our lives. It isn’t higher or better than the previous life experiences, just different. And I daresay that all those previous life experiences help us prepare for marriage. So we really need to try to refrain from thinking of single women as incomplete, or less virtuous. The Bible says that we are complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10). As long as we are in a love relationship with Jesus, we are complete. Period. And if we’re not, marrying someone will definitely NOT do the trick; we will simply become an extension of the person we marry. Our relationship with our Maker is the single relationship that is truly essential.
4. Single women have nothing meaningful to contribute to social circles of married women.See number 2. Also, we’re all women aren’t we?
5. Single women are secretly desperate to find a boo. I’ll be completely honest. Every girl dreams of the day they will say I do to some tall, handsome guy while wearing a breathtaking wedding dress in the presence of friends and family. Some even have a Pinterest wall dedicated to wedding ideas, even before we actually get into a relationship. But that’s just how we are. We like to dream and fantasize; we like to plan and perfect our wedding plans-it’s only one day after all. But that doesn’t make someone desperate. It’s a natural desire for everyone to long for a mate. But every single woman doesn’t go to sleep at night plotting on how to get a guy. Like the woman who’s blog I mentioned at the beginning of this post; it is possible to just be content enjoying your singlehood-just you, Jesus, and your friends.
I focused a lot on single women in this post because single women get A LOT more flak for being single than males do. For some reason, single guys just aren’t scrutinized as much as ladies. Hopefully, we can learn to relate to singles in a way that doesn’t make them feel like they’re on the outside of some wonderful, secret society that they aren’t good enough to be a part of yet. And if you are single and believed any of these myths about yourself up to this point, I hope you see things differently now and enjoy your singlehood. Your life right now is complete as long as you ar expriencing God’s love in your life.
*Stepping off my soap box*
Prov31lady4life 