So, on October 27th 2014 at 6:12pm my baby girl finally made her way out of my womb and into our world! It’s taken me a couple of weeks to get into a predictable routine and get back to writing, but I want to let you all know that my journey as a momma will definitely be part of this blog; after all, motherhood is a natural outgrowth of love and marriage.
My Birth Story
Ok, so my due date was October 16. It came and went uneventfully (clearly). But I wasn’t really worried. After all, most first-time moms go past their due dates. In my mind, I pictured things going down like this: I would wake up in the middle of the night with cramps that would eventually become strong contractions and push my baby out the old-fashioned way. As a matter of fact, even though I had attended birthing classes and read a bunch of articles that all cautioned me to be ready for anything, I never imagined that things would go down the way they did.
A couple of days before my 41 week doctor’s appointment, I had a hard time falling asleep. I couldn’t shake this feeling that something was going to go wrong with the birth. The word worried doesn’t cover the way I was feeling. I was anxious, and distressed. What if we ended up losing her? What if something happened to me? All of these doubts kept circling in my head. I woke up my husband and asked him to pray with me, which he did, but still I had no peace.
Finally I ended up going into our guest bedroom and really pouring out my heart to God about the way I was feeling. Oddly enough, after I prayed, I was impressed to go on BabyCenter’s website and watch some birthing videos. I had watched birth videos before, but not any with C-sections or inductions or any kind of complications. Well, that night/morning I watched those videos. And I felt a peace that I hadn’t felt before that week. I felt like God was telling me that no matter what happened, He would be by my side and He Himself would be my peace.
My 41 week appointment day came, and we scheduled an induction for the following Monday. I went to the hospital excited but nervous. The induction lasted 12 hours, and by the end of that time I was about 9cm dilated. The thing was, my contractions started causing the baby’s heart to decelerate, which was a scary thing to see on those monitors. I was worried about losing her but tried not to focus on that. My husband was a trooper and kept me cheerful and calm the whole time (I love that guy so much!). We waited another hour to see if her heartrate would go back to normal and I could start pushing. Her heart did go back to it’s normal rate, but when I tried to push the same thing happened. And she wasn’t far down enough for me to just push her out without jeopardizing her. So here comes the C-section.
At that point, I just wanted to have my baby and for her to be okay. So I put on my game face and they rolled me into the OR. One small problem though: every time they tried to numb me, the anesthesia had no effect on me. They tried pumping more meds through the epidural line, to no avail. The doctors told me they would have to put me to sleep (general anesthesia). In that moment, I panicked. I’d never even been admitted to the hospital before, much less undergone major surgery. What if I didn’t wake up? What if something went wrong during the surgery? In the 60 seconds before they put the mask over my face I came to terms with my utter lack of control over what was happening, and the fact that I would simply have to trust that God would do what needed to be done.
When I woke up, I was wheeled into my hospital room and a few minutes later I got to meet my beautiful baby girl. I can’t really describe how I felt in that moment, and every moment after that, adequately. I felt this strange wonder: this little person started out as 2 cells of DNA from my husband and I. She’s a part of us. And I also feel this incredible love and sense of protectiveness, and responsibility. I know that being mom would change my life; what I didn’t realize was how much it would change my mind, my thinking. So here are some lessons that I learned, and continue to learn from that experience:
1. God is ultimately in control. So worrying is futile.
2. When things don’t go the way we planned, it’s not a punishment for something we did wrong. I thought I would give birth without any medical interventions but ended up having to have a C-section. I didn’t get to hear my daughter’s first cries, and my husband didn’t get to cut the umbilical cord. My recovery from the surgery has been an emotional roller coaster. But I look back on the journey and I realize that there’s a blessing in all of it, the biggest of which is a healthy baby girl.
3. Babies change the relationship between husbands and wives. More about that in my next post!
Prov31lady4life 