Signs you are ready to be in a RELATIONSHIP

 

Have you ever thought to yourself: I want someone to go out on a date with, eat dinner, catch a movie, watch the sunset….? If you’re a woman, you’ve probably thought these things. And you’ve also probably read an article or book that tells you to “work on yourself” in the meantime. You know, develop the qualities you would like to see in your future someone. Ok, how does that work exactly?

I’ve (humbly) taken it upon myself to make a list of hard questions to ask yourself if you are single, already in a relationship, or contemplating marriage. These questions need to be asked constantly, all the way to the altar. If you’ve read my blog posts before, you probably  know that I see marriage as a life-long commitment. Though many people have a lot of what-if hypothetical scenarios that challenge that belief, I think that God is limited only by our faith in His ability to work in our lives. He works with as much room as we give Him. That being said, here’s a list of things to evaluate about yourself before you take the next step towards a committed relationship:

1. Do I have close walk with God and can discern His voice speaking to me? This is the most important question to ask. If you cannot confidently answer YES, then it’s time to step back and take an inventory of WHY this is so. Sometimes we want something so much that our prayers basically consist of us asking God to bless the decision we’ve already made. Or asking for signs when His Word already contains clearly outlined principles for us to follow in that particular situation. Here’s an example: you’re a Christian and you’ve become very attracted to an unbelieving co-worker. You genuinely care about them and they have also expressed interest in you. Now here’s your prayer the night they ask you out on a date: “God, if you don’t want me to go out with this person, have them call me back and cancel. If they don’t I know you’re ok with me pursuing this relationship.” Now obviously God can and sometimes will answer that prayer in the way you’ve asked. But how about prayerfully opening up the Bible to see what He has already said about it? The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:14: “Do not become partners with those who do not believe….what fellowship does light have with darkness.” How much clearer can He make the issue? One of the signs that you are mature enough to begin a relationship with someone else is that you seek God’s counsel with the mindset that you are willing to put your emotions aside and do whatever He says to do. 

2. Do I have godly people in my life to advise me-and actually LISTEN to their advice?

Proverbs 11 :14 says that “…in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” Having people in your life that can help you do that from a Christian standpoint is vital. You don’t want to be taking advice from people who are not headed in the same direction you are in your Christian walk. If you take your relationship with God seriously,  you’ll start to notice that every decision we make has an impact on our character and on our relationship with God. Taking heed to wise counsel will help you when you may start to lose your way. When it comes to relationships, it’s so easy to get blinded by our emotions. You may be going into a relationship that’s going to turn you away from your relationship with God, cause you to compromise your values, or slowly strip you of your identity. It’s good to be able to take a step back and look at things from an objective point of view.  If you’ve come to a certain level of maturity, you won’t get defensive or angry when your counselors point out your wrongs or critique your decisions. You’ll examine every piece of their counsel and try to evaluate yourself honestly. If you’re not ready to do that, then you probably need to take a good look at yourself and your circle. Two important questions need to be asked: 1) Do I surround myself with godly people?  2) What’s my typical reaction to constructive criticism?

3. Am I willing to work on my character flaws, and be patient with someone else’s?

One of the first things my husband and I tell people when they ask us “So what’s it like being married?” is that it is lots and lots of character growth! When you get into a serious relationship, you become a part of the other person’s growth process and vice versa. You start to realize things about yourself that you had no idea about. And you come to the conclusion “Wow, I have a lot of things I need to work on.” Secondly, you start to realize that your significant other is a regular human being with faults just like you. And you need to extend to them the same grace and understanding that Christ gives you. Every person is a collection of past experiences, traumas, and sometimes even dysfunction. The key is for both people to be WILLING to change, and that requires practice and time.

I remember there were a few times when my husband and I were dating and I was ready to throw in the towel and break up with him because of something he had done. I thought to myself, “There is no way that I’m tolerating THAT in a man.” But at the end of the day I had to step back and ask, “Is he willing to change?” The answer was always yes, because I knew in his heart he wanted to be a man after God’s own heart. Every time we had our post-fight talks, that willingness was always there. I had to learn to be patient and let God work out his character over time. Lifelong habits are hard to break. And guess what? When I would mess up, he would extend the same grace to me. It’s not easy, but that’s the nature of character development.  You have to be humble and patient.

4. Am I willing to compromise my faith and values for this person? 

The answer to this question should be an emphatic NO! If you are willing to compromise your faith and values, it means that you need to go back to #1. You need more time alone with God to develop your faith in Him and learn what He stands for. Because if you’re serious about God, then you will stand for the things that He stands for as revealed in His Word. Compromise is dangerous because it can begin so subtly. There are so many different examples that apply to this: sexual abstinence until marriage, refraining from drunkenness, etc. If your partner is encouraging or pressuring you to do anything that goes against God, even a little bit, take it as a red flag. When it comes to what you believe in and live by, you should not be willing to give an inch, because in the end you will lose your sense of identity and self-control. You’ll become an extension of your partners thoughts and desires instead of God’s.

I hope these questions have helped you do some self-evaluation. It’s so important to do every day. Feel free to post your questions or comments!