One of my prayers/resolutions for the year 2013 was to work on developing my friendships. Now, contrary to popular belief, I am not really a friendly person. Nope, I’m not. This is something that I’ve struggled with all my life. But even more importantly, I’ve realized that I did not really know HOW to be a friend. Let me explain: I grew up in a closely-knit family of 3 other siblings and cousins too numerous to count. I would spend all summer at grandma’s house just living it up with my cousins. Yes, I had friends back home from school, but they weren’t really as important to me as my family. I guess that’s because my parents always drilled into me the mentality of distrust of people who are not family. I’m not sure if that’s a West Indian thing, but that’s just how things were. I never went to sleepovers or birthday parties, and the thing is, I never really cared that much about them. My parents always told me to be careful with friends, that they eventually betray you, etc.
Now imagine what that translates into for me as an adult. Up to now, I’ve just cut off friends whenever they did something that hurt or offended me. And every time, I would think to myself, “It’s true. You just can’t trust people.” So I developed a habit of distancing myself emotionally from friends. I found myself becoming friends with people, only to cut them off when I hit a bump in the road instead of talking to them about it. It was just so much easier to do that for me. After all, I had my siblings and other family members as friends, that’s all I really cared about. Talking about issues was just too much for me to handle emotionally. It was a risk that I wasn’t willing to take. I hate feeling rejected, I hate feeling hurt or embarrassed, so I just set myself up to avoid experiencing it.
So what changed all that? Well, being married certainly has a lot to do with it. My husband and I are polar opposites in just about every way, so where I close myself up like a clam socially, he is willing to make himself EXTREMELY vulnerable to his friends. He’s able to hash out issues with them without there being any awkwardness afterward, and he’s really made an impact on a lot of people around him. People don’t ever have to fish to find something nice to say about him. He matters to a lot of people. So I realized that being someone who matters to another person is definitely important. Not just as a friend, but also as a Christian. And I’ve disconnected the two for a long time. I thought I could be a Christian friend and still protect myself from hurt. But I was so wrong. Hence my resolution to open up and be transparent with people around me. And work up the guts to SAY SOMETHING when I feel hurt/offended/whatever. Because at the end of the day, the sum of my impact during my speck of time on Earth really boils down to who I was to other people. What I did for others. Being someone who mattered in the life of someone else. And I encourage you guys out there to do the same. Yes, it’s risky. And scary. And downright UNCOMFORTABLE at times! But I’m finding out that it’s definitely worth it. The quality of my friendships has deepened and I’m sooo happy that I took that step and made the decision to do it in the first place.
Prov31lady4life 