Forgiveness: the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. (Wikepedia)
My husband and I recently listened to a podcast that really changed my mindset on forgiveness. To help you understand why this is such a breakthrough, let me just tell you that even though I seem sweet and nice, it’s very hard for me to forgive people when they do something to hurt me. So even though I tell myself that I’ve forgiven the person, I still hold them at a distance from that point on and have the thought in the back of my mind that this person is not to be trusted. Now that I’m married I realize that forgiveness is an important element of having a healthy relationship. In the past when my husband would do things that offended me or hurt my feelings, I would give him the silent treatment, respond with one-word answers to his questions, and make my face a cold mask that screamed “DON’T TALK TO ME!” This is how I would treat him AFTER he apologized. Why? Because I wanted him to suffer for a while longer and “earn” my forgiveness. I can’t let you off the hook just ’cause you said you’re sorry! You have to prove it by repeatedly trying to engage me in conversation or apologizing over and over until I feel appeased and start talking to you again. This was a cycle for me with him until recently, but when I heard the podcast it really made me not want to go back to that cycle ever again. So what was said in the podcast?
-The way you “forgive” people reflects your own understanding of God’s forgiveness. If you want people to earn your forgiveness then you are most likely a person that feels you have to earn God’s forgiveness when you do wrong by doing “good” things, things that are on every person’s “good Christian” checklist. So if you hold on to grudges you have to re-evaluate your understanding of who God is. The Bible said that His gift of grace is of faith, not of works, lest anyone should boast.
-Holding on to grudges makes you a hypocrite (yes, you are a hypocrite!). Why? How can you accept God’s forgiveness of your horrible past (and preach about God’s willingness to forgive our sins) with so much joy and then turn around and say “Well, God can forgive you but my standard is higher.” This is essentially what you’re saying if you keep punishing people who have hurt you in the past.
-Don’t wait for an apology to forgive. Jesus prayed on the cross “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” This was while the people were mocking him. Forgiveness is something we have to do so that the hurt or offense we have experienced does not alienate us from God by developing into bitterness and hate inside of us. So if you’re giving a person the cold shoulder because they haven’t apologized yet, ask God to change your heart.
-The last point is what makes forgiveness possible. There’s 
no way that we can make ourselves forgive someone else. Only God has the power to change our mindset toward another person. All we need is the will to do it, the desire to forgive, and ask Christ to give us the gift of a forgiving heart. After all, when we forgive others, we reflect the forgiveness of the God who loved us first.
Prov31lady4life 